The Trouble With Gold

Have you ever been in a lecture hall and had that "one" student quickly writing every word that comes spewing from the professors' lips?  The same student has that look of disappointment scribbled across their face if they look to you for help with the last statement, but you were too distracted by their OCDness to give any thought to the current lecture?  Well, that student was me - is me.  I am Gold. I embody the whole personality.

[If you are unfamiliar with the color personalities, True Colors was founded to aid people in self-assessment, within their organizations (both personal and professional) to better understand why they are the way they are.  It also aids in the communication process with other colors.  The colors in the personality assessment are: Blue, Green, Orange, and Gold.  We all embody the colors and fall at a particular place on the spectrum.  For more information on the assessment, check out - www.truecolorsintl.com]

Golds calculate everything... EVERYTHING.  We are task oriented and focus on goals and the details that will get us their.  I have always had a goal, always.  I have checklists, and my checklists have their own checklists.  I want expectations to be clearly communicated and I need structure.  I need to be useful art my job.  I have a hard time not planning every single aspect of my day.  Just today, I was reading a novel and strategically placed a "goal bookmark" at the place I was striving to be at before I had to leave the adventure to return to my tasks for the day.  It is really that bad.  I am also a pusher.  I am highly self-motivated, so I push myself, a lot.

So, what's the trouble with Gold? For starters, I measure myself daily in every aspect - physically, socially, emotionally, professionally, and the list goes on and on.  While setting goals for myself is great, I am easily depressed if I do not exceed those goals with flying colors.  I also tend to set expectations for others.  I set their expectations FOR THEM.  In turn, that means I am pushing them to meet exceed them.  This type of relationship with myself and others is not exactly "healthy."  It is simply not fair to force your lifestyle onto someone and expect them to enjoy it.  I desperately want others to share my high standards, even know I know they despise me for it.

"Hailey, why don't you just stop caring - just stop being Gold?"

I can't.  This is MY personality, even with the flaws, it makes me who I am.

I can relax.  I have been intentionally trying to "just be" and "waste time" in order to "let it go."  Do I struggle with wanting to be productive 24/7?  Sure, but the bright side is that I'm working on it.  I'm working on letting friends and family be who they are and communicate based on their needs and not my own.  If I want to motivate someone, I'm learning to do it on their terms.

We all have unique strengths, talents, abilities, and gifts to share - I just want to organize them alphabetically! (Ha.)  Just kidding, go share your uniqueness with the world - they're all waiting.

I'll leave you with this quote from Lorenzo Snow:

"Do not expect to become perfect at once.  If you do, you will be disappointed.  Be better today than you were yesterday, and be better tomorrow than you were today."

Until Next Time,
-H.

Thunder in the Mountains {a lonesome conversation about the great unknown}

Thunder in the Mountains
{a lonesome conversation about the great unknown}


A little over a week ago, I was living life in the middle majestic mountains of Virginia- Duffield, to be exact. On Wednesday night, the most beautiful thunderstorm came rolling in. Have you ever just sat and listened? Growing up, I loved to sit in the upstairs porch at my Nana and Pawpa's home. There is something so relaxing about listening to a storm build and build- finally giving into the lightning strikes.

"One, two, three..."

We would count those crashing sounds, figuring out just how far away the storm was... Living in Florida, thunderstorms are the normal routine for our summer evenings. I still go out and sit on the porch, waiting for the deep voice of nature. What is Thunder, exactly? Thunder- a loud rumbling or crashing noise heard after a lightning flash due to the expansion of rapidly heated air. This wondrous song of the storm is expressed because of AIR, AIR?! -how breathtaking.

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{Feel free to skip my rant... Or read it to better understand the insanity that takes place in my thought-process}

        As humans, we are always searching to compare what we can't fully understand to the
        simplest of things. I am no different, perhaps, I am the most foolish- when I think of
        giving Thunder another, more comparable human voice, I'd give it Jeff Bridge's
        voice. (Figures out I am completely off point... cue Jeff Bridges and the Abiders on
        Spotify.

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Where was I headed? So... back to last Wednesday night, the whole point of this story. I'm laying on top of a plastic mattress on the bottom bunk. The humidity had just fallen and the stickiness was slowly beginning to leave the cabin air. As the storm begins to build, I begin to loose my thoughts to the enormity of the storm, currently brewing. In these moments, I had never felt more at peace with the fact that I am so small- so insignificant (but not in a depressing fashion). My conversation was short and I can't even remember everything I spoke, but I do know it was brief, yet astounding. Never had I been so thankful for the privilege to hear the crashing outside my window.

I hope you all are able to have a similar experience, something you struggle to explain, but that the complexity brings an enormous smile across your face.

Because I desperately love quotes, I wanted to share this one with you... "I love to feel the temperature drop and the wind increase just before a thunderstorm. Then I climb into bed with the thunder." -Amanda Mosher

P.S. - If you didwww.dreamingwithjeff.com read my blurb about Jeff Bridges, take a second to check out his latest project.
www.dreamingwithjeff.com
Most of you have probably seen the advertisements, in some form, and it is definitely worth checking out. Sleep tight!

Until Next Time,
H.